have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
