One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
