so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
