I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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