i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
