god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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