Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
