just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃ðŸ»ðŸŽ‰
We are so blessed
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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