Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
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of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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