i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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