Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
