The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
