Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
