everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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