The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
