I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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