i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
