Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
