i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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