I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
