Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
