I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
