its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
