in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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