My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
