Barsexuality is the new black.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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