i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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