AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
