it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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