so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have fence marks all over my body
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
