Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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