who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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