at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
