He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
