Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
