I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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