I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
