remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
