ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
