If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im six kinds of drunk right now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
