dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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