I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
