so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
