i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
