I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
