So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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