opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
