It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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