Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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