If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
