apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
