They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't notice because vodka
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
