Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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