Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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