I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize