So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm going to jail i love you
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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