What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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