New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
