in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
