Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
