exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
