her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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